Telling the Bosses

Last week, I told my bosses that I'm pregnant. Before I broke the news, I asked for some advice from Gary, my previous boss and mentor from graduate school. I asked him for tips and what to do/not do. Here's his advice. More on what I did below.

Obviously, you'll not be able to hide your pregnancy, thus do not hesitate to tell your boss as soon as possible. He probably wants you to keep working with him as much as you want to keep working. Therefore, when you tell him, have a plan already devised to show that you've given the issue lots of thought and that you have some things in place to make it work. You have a plan to handle daily care while you're at work. You have a plan to deal with who will pick up little Gary at daycare when he's sick or has an appointment with the pediatrician. You have to assure your boss that you're not going to be missing lots of work because your husband is willing and able to share some of the responsibility. Your boss has to come away from your conversation feeling as though you have it all under control and that he knows that you intend to make it work, no matter what. If he has children, he will be aware that no one, not even you, will be able to anticipate every emergency that is going to take you away from work. It is not necessary for you to state the obvious. Do you have a back-up babysitter for when the daycare cancels? When can you mom move into the house next door? My experience has been that daycare will equal you salary, thus you will be working for nothing and not seeing your child all day. At times you may wonder why are you bothering. Every mother's answer to that anxiety-rich question is different. In spite of my exaltations of you, you are not superwoman. Every mother sets her priorities differently - you cannot do it all.

His advice hit home for me. I did my research and looked into lots of daycare options. (Sidenote: most places are full with waiting lists, so I'm glad we looked early. We'll be going to look at a couple this week and put our names down on the wait list.) But, suffice it to say, it will work out.

One of my bosses came in to ask me about some numbers and after we finished, I told her the good news, when I'm expecting, how it won't interfere, etc. She skipped over the logistics and just hugged me instead. She said it was great news in light of all the financial cutback darkness around work (thank goodness for grants, NIH. I am very thankful; especially nowadays). She said my other boss would be excited to hear the news, so I went into his office and explained that I was pregnant, that it wouldn't interfere, that it was planned around major work events, how all of my doctors appointments from now until October are scheduled for outside of work hours, etc.

He was also happy for me and started thinking back if I did anything at work that could have harmed the baby in the past three months (I hadn't). They said they had no idea and asked if I had any morning sickness. They told me to take as much time as I needed and to take it easy. He also mentioned the possibility of telecommuting from home after maternity leave. (I don't know the extent of it, but I was very happy to hear that and would love to do this -- especially, since most of my job is computer-based... except for events where I actually see kids, teachers, etc).

So, it's out in the open and is totally wonderful because it's hard keeping a secret that big. It makes you feel very lonely when you're in a huge place yet the only person who knows. Especially when you're queasy and/or your pants aren't fitting like they used to. In other news, things seem to be good on the horizon. I was asked to write the supplement for our grant and my boss asked me to co-write our renewal grant in a year or so. So that's all wonderful that he sees me as a colleague here (and not that pregnant lady who'll be disappearing forever when kids come around). He's also talking about opportunities for me around the university in science education now that there are layoffs and restructurings, etc. It's kind of the best opportunity to leverage yourself into a new position. So, all of this is great news and I'm very thankful. It's wonderful to have a mentor who's looking out for your future (I hadn't had that since Gary, who was incredibly supportive).

Fingers crossed but things are looking up for 2009.